LONDON TROOF

LONDON - CAPITAL OF THE "LIVER CZAR"

2010-01-16T21:13:00.000-08:00

FROM LONDON SUCKS BLOG

London is the capital of the only developed country in the world - with an increase in liver disease from drinking.

LONDON IS THE CAPITAL OF THE WORLD'S LARGEST ENGLISH SPEAKING GANGLAND

2009-09-23T02:11:00.000-07:00

FROM THE DAILY MAIL

It's the most disturbing social issue of our age - why Britain is plagued by a generation of violent, barely literate young men living outside the normal bounds of society. For nine months, a leading investigative journalist has been examining their world for the Mail. In the concluding part of this landmark series, she looks at the rise of gang culture

With their hierarchies and strict discipline, street gangs are nothing more than a distorted mirror image of the house system common in private schools.

Loyalty and team effort are all-important. As one young gang leader from Kilburn, North-West London, told me chillingly. 'You have to know the people, you have to trust the people, because you do everything together. When you stab, you stab together.'

Most boys who join gangs aren't irredeemably evil. They are teenagers from low-income families who have been let down by their schools, their parents and other adults.

LONDON IS THE CAPITAL ..... OF THE "LOTTERY OF LIFE"

2009-09-21T09:14:00.000-07:00

Like this gentleman

I often say if you are born in Britain you have won the lottery of life (and if it's in Luton / it's like winning on a roll over week). That's why I respect immigrants so much they choose to come to Great Britain where the "locals" are here just by luck of birth.

Any ex-pat who "leaves" Britain for good should have to surrender their passport (you can't be half pregnant) and lets give it to an immigrant who appreciates Britain and chooses to live here rather than all our ex-pat quislings who abandon ship, slag of Britain and then sneak back in 3-10 years later and then prattle on about how much they missed the UK and are glad to be back.

LONDON IS THE CAPITAL OF AN 800 BILLION DOLLAR DEBT

2009-09-21T01:33:00.001-07:00

FROM THE TIMES

Britain is clocking up debt at a rate of £6,017 per second as the Government struggles to balance the books. With tax receipts plummeting because of the recession, state borrowing grew by £16.1 billion last month — almost twice the entire budget for the 2012 Olympics.

Net borrowing for the first five months of the financial year stood at £65.3 billion, compared with £26.1 billion at the same stage last year. Total borrowing soared past the £800 billion mark for the first time and total state debt as a proportion of national output reached 57.5 per cent.

Just to pay the interest on its ballooning debts the Government must find more than £30 billion a year — about £500 for every man, woman and child in the country.

300 CHILDREN A DAY SWABBED FOR DNA IN AND AROUND LONDON TOWNE

2009-09-05T00:35:00.001-07:00

IN ENGLAND, 300 CHILDREN A DAY ARE STOPPED BY POLICE AND SWABBED FOR DNA FOR THE DATABASE

FROM THE TELEGRAPH

More than 300 children a day have their DNA taken by the police and added to the national database.

Already 412,670 youngsters under 15 have their genetic profiles stored.

Once 15 to 17-year-olds are added, the total rises to an astonishing 1.1million, according to Freedom of Information replies revealed yesterday.

The DNA samples, from children as young as ten, are kept regardless of whether or not they were ever charged.

Critics accuse the police of arresting entire groups of youngsters simply to have their DNA to checked against evidence from crime scenes in future.

This year alone, police forces have taken DNA from 54,311 subjects aged 10 to 17, according to information obtained by Jo Shaw, the Liberal Democrat parliamentary candidate for Holborn and St Pancras. She said: 'Labour's approach to tackling crime is unfair, heavy-handed and ineffective.'

There are around five million people on the DNA database - making it the largest in the world. Of these, at least 850,000 are innocents who have never been convicted of any crime. On this basis, around 200,000 of the children on the database will be innocent.

The samples were taken under rules introduced by Tony Blair which allow suspects to be swabbed as soon as they are arrested.

Miss Shaw said: 'Storing the DNA of thousands of innocent young people is unlikely to solve our crime problems, but is a costly way of stigmatising young people. If you're innocent, you shouldn't have your data kept for years."

The Metropolitan Police is the worst culprit, stockpiling DNA from 144,487 young people over the last decade. The force takes DNA from thirteen children under 15 every day.
DNA graphic

Liberal Democrat spokesman Chris Huhne said: 'Innocent people should be removed from the database immediately and kids should stop being targeted to boost numbers.'

After a crushing ruling by the European Court of Human Rights last December, police will no longer be allowed to store the DNA of innocents indefinitely.

But the Home Office's proposals for complying with the ruling have proved highly controversial.

Any child convicted of a serious offence will remain on the database indefinitely - as will adults - but youngsters convicted of only one minor offence will be deleted when they turn 18.

Those wrongly accused of a minor crime will also have their DNA removed at 18. but children accused, but not convicted, of a serious crime will have theirs stored for 12 years.

There will also be a 'two strikes and you're out' policy, where children accused twice of minor offences will remain on the database for at least six years - even if they are cleared both times.

Helen Wallace, director of campaign group Genewatch UK, said: 'An excessive number of children and young people are being added to the database and there is no evidence it is helping to solve serious crimes. The numbers should be significantly reduced and innocent people removed.'

The Home Office said: 'The number of young people on the DNA database reflects the number who have been arrested for a recordable offence. That is an important threshold, as arrest must be based on a reasonable suspicion that the person is involved in the offence.

'We recognise the need for special consideration when dealing with young people and have consulted on proposals to remove juveniles from the database when they turn 18 provided they are not re-arrested and are not convicted of serious, violent or sexual offences. We have also removed all under-10s.'

ALCOHOL CULTURE NEAR LONDON TOWNE

2009-08-29T07:55:00.001-07:00

ALCOHOL CULTURE NEAR LONDON TOWNE - ITS NOT JUST IN MANCHESTER

WHEN COMPANY DIRECTORS OF YE OLDE LONDONE TOWNE GET MAD

2009-08-28T02:16:00.000-07:00

FROM THE TIMES

A company director killed his neighbour’s dog with a garden hoe after warning her that he intended to make her life a misery, a court has been told.

Neville Hill, 48, fell out with Tricia Wales, 60, who lived next door in Yapton, near Arundel, West Sussex, after he complained about her dogs barking and leaving a mess in his lawn.

Relations deteriorated even further when Mr Hill placed a locked gate at the bottom of the garden preventing her from using the shortcut to empty her bins, the court heard. He allegedly warned her that he intended to become the “neighbour from hell”.

Mr Hill appeared before Chichester Magistrates Court in a private prosecution brought by his neighbour. He denies one charge of criminal damage.

He has admitted striking Wurzel, Miss Wales’ five year old border terrier, with the hoe after it strayed onto his property in September last year. However, he denies that he meant to kill the dog....

Miss Wales said she threatened to take him to court if he did not provide her with a key, “at which point he went completely out of control and threw the deeds down”.

“He said, ’you’re going to regret this. I’m going to be the neighbour from hell. I’m going to make your life a misery’.”

BUYING A MOTOR ON THE LONDON TOWNE VERSION OF CRAIGSLIST

2009-08-28T02:13:00.000-07:00

FROM THE TIMES

MOIND YER MANNERS NEAR LONDON TOWNE - OR ELSE!

2009-08-27T09:11:00.000-07:00

MOIND YER MANNERS NEAR LONDON TOWNE - OR ELSE!

FROM THE BBC

Builder jailed for killing walker

A 21-year-old labourer has been jailed for six years for killing a dog walker in a row at a bus stop.

Alec Pearn used a 3ft piece of wood to batter 66-year-old Peter Seaman, who had asked him to move his feet which were blocking the pavement.

Mr Seaman died from a fractured skull after the attack in Dobwalls, Cornwall on 7 August 2008.

Pearn, from Looe in Cornwall, was found guilty at Truro Crown Court of manslaughter and cleared of murder.

The court heard that Pearn had been waiting at the bus stop for his father, Andrew.

Retired plumber Mr Seaman was walking his dog, Gem, when he came across Pearn sitting with his legs across the pavement.

IN LONDON TOWNE, NO MORE LOVE, ACTUALLY

2009-08-26T12:10:00.000-07:00

FROM THE IMDB LOVE ACTUALLY FORUM

London is a cesspit.
It's the biggest con on the entire planet, the entire place is a dump, the people are offensive and it's the home of the tos*ers that are 'The City Bankers' It also has many many stabbings, violence and general crime.
Why the Olympics is held in London is a mystery, real Englishman are not Londoners anymore.
London is for the rich and foreign.
The Olympics should be held in the North and the Midlands.
According to the English press, the only thing noteworthy in England is south of the Watford gap.

IN LONDON TOWNE, NO LOVE FOR YOU, ACTUALLY

2009-08-26T12:07:00.000-07:00

FROM THE IMDB LOVE ACTUALLY FORUM

For me, one of the most telling facts, that shows that London is but is no longer the London that it was, is something that occurred after the London rail and bus bombings.

Thousands of Londoners who usually commuted, walked out of the City/commercial centres. From all reports, these people were determined to show that the cheerful, resilient nature of Londoners had not changed, since the Blitz.
...
However, other attitudes had changed. As the tired thirsty people were to discover. There were a number of hotels and shops along the way who capitalised on the disaster by putting up the prices of drinks.

This is, I suppose, a small thing compared with the ghastly statistics of teenagers knifing each other. But that such a thing should happen in the London that I love is almost beyond my comprehension. It shows a callousness, a greed, a lack of human kindness. Not in the depraved, or in the deprived. But in the ordinary, supposedly-decent "shopkeepers" who epitomise the English.

2007 STUDY SHOWS MANY LONDON AND ENGLISH KIDS CAN'T SPEAK ENGLISH

2009-08-26T09:37:00.000-07:00

FROM THE TELEGRAPH

Primary school pupils slipped from third in 2001 to 19th last year in the authoritative study of 45 countries and provinces. Only the results of Morocco and Romania fell more sharply.

The study comes weeks after a report by Cambridge University labelled Labour's £500 million literacy strategy a waste of money, as reading skills were no better than during the 1950s.

Researchers gave 4,000 children in 40 countries a literacy test. According to a report, Russian children came top with an average score of 565, compared with England's 539.

The results showed England's score had dropped 13 points since 2001. It placed England 19th, although an alternative league table - eliminating Canada, where provinces with different languages are listed separately - put the country 15th.

GOING TO A FOOTBALL (SOCCER) MATCH IN LONDON TOWNE ANYTIME SOON?

2009-08-26T07:56:00.001-07:00

FOOTBALL MATCHES IN LONDON ARE ALWAYS A RIOT

OI HEAR WHAT YOU ARE SAYING. YOU CAN'T WAIT FOR THE OLYMPICS.

ONE FIFTH OF 11 YEAR OLDS FUNCTIONALLY ILLITERATE IN ENGLAND AND LONDON TOWNE

2009-08-26T06:25:00.000-07:00

FROM THE BBC

An Ofsted report revealed that despite a 'marked improvement' in English standards, many pupils are leaving primary school without basic skills in reading and writing.

A fifth of 11 -year -old pupils, particularly boys still fail to reach to expected level for English and very few pupils were reading for pleasure.

ILLEGAL ALIENS STRUGGLE IN LONDON TOWNE

2009-08-26T06:02:00.000-07:00

ILLEGAL ALIENS STRUGGLE IN LONDON TOWNE - BUT OTHER ILLEGAL ALIENS FIND SATISFACTION THROUGH LOOPHOLE

BORIS DISLIKES THE 8,900 DIESEL BELCHING BUSES IN LONDON TOWNE

2009-08-26T06:00:00.001-07:00

BORIS DISLIKES THE 8,900 DIESEL BELCHING BUSES IN LONDON TOWNE

BORIS CONSIDERING GIVING AMNESTY TO THE 450,000 ILLEGALS IN LONDON TOWNE

2009-08-26T05:58:00.001-07:00

BORIS CONSIDERING GIVING AMNESTY TO THE 450,000 ILLEGALS IN LONDON TOWNE

MILLIONS IN ENGLAND LIVE IN "WORKLESS GHETTOS"

2009-08-26T03:13:00.000-07:00

FROM THE TELEGRAPH

TWO MILLION BRITS HAVE NEVER WORKED

In a hard-hitting speech tomorrow, Theresa May, the shadow work and pensions secretary, will launch an attack on the Government’s record, saying that millions of people are living in “workless ghettos”.

She will accuse ministers of failing to tackle a “benefits culture” which has seen three million people fail to find a job since Tony Blair came to power in 1997, on top of another two million who have never worked.

STEPHEN BRADLEY: HONG KONG NOT IN THE SAME LEAGUE AS LONDON TOWNE

2009-08-25T12:49:00.001-07:00

STEPHEN BRADLEY: HONG KONG NOT IN THE SAME LEAGUE AS LONDON TOWNE

IS THAT A GOOD OR A BAD THING?

STEPHEN BRADLEY, FORMER CONSUL-GENERAL TO HONG KONG'S SPEECH HERE

I think Hong Kong as the London of Asia is an appealing and not incredible future to aim for. Donald’s main worry appears to be, that the population is not big enough and that people are not having enough babies. The replacement rate is the world’s lowest. In a slightly Singaporean moment some months ago he got on his soapbox to urge his fellow citizens not to hold back on the necessary activity, as it were. Others have floated the idea of merging with Shenzhen: but this is hard to see in advance of 2047.

My own personal doubt about his vision is precisely its very focused, rather narrow nature. In fact, what makes London and New York the greatest cities in the world is not just the money – though that is the great magnet that attracts everything else. The greatness of a city lies in its cultural openness and diversity – like Tang Chang’an, for instance – and on this count I am afraid Hong Kong simply is not remotely yet in the same league. Hong Kong is still an overwhelmingly Chinese city (97%), with a sprinkling of foreigners, like the hundreds and thousands you throw on a cake. Much more could and must be done in the cultural sphere, as well, to enrich and diversify Hong Kong’s creative and intellectual life.

LONDON: LAND OF THE PUBLIC PRIVATE PARTNERSHIP

2009-08-25T12:37:00.000-07:00

LONDON: LAND OF THE PUBLIC PRIVATE PARTNERSHIP

WILD WEST ALCOHOL CULTURE IN LONDON TOWNE

2009-08-25T01:04:00.001-07:00

FROM EXPAT EXPOSED FORUMS

Oh help there is a problem with binge drinking here in the UK especially in the under 25's juts like here in the UK we have our fair share of rapists, pedophiles and murderers. We also have a £ that is falling faster than the temperatures this winter and the economy is going down the toilet bowl. Woolworths is closing, MFI has gone, Adams Kids Clothing is going and it loooks like Comet will be going as well. Debenhmas is tettering on the edge and we have all tightened our belts well except for the Boxing Day sales as there were great bargains - even up to 90% off in some stores but mainly 70% off. Coldest winter for years - they are talking about minus 3 here in London next week and in parts of Scotland is predicted to be minus 15 overnight - great way to see in the New Year. Now there could be a loss of gas from Russia as the Ukraine and Russia are in dispute and the gas comes through the Ukraine. All of you who are in New Zealand are lucky you cashed in when the houses were worth more than they have ever been and when sterling was strong. Don't come back to the UK at present as the economy is terrible well unless you want to wait a couple of years and then cash in on the housing market as prices are dropping all the time and those new builds are stopping as there is no way anyone can get a mortgage espcially first time buyers. Whinge as much as you like as you are all better off in New Zealand or go to Australia where the banks are strong and the financial system hasn't crashed. Happy New Year to you all from a cold London. Oh good news I work for a doctor and my partner works in a school so at least we have jobs pity about the 23,000 who will lose their jobs at Woolworths in the New Year. All of you please grin and bear it as it can't be worse than here in chilly, cheerless Britain. Mind you Northern Ireland is starting to thrive tahnks to the 21.5% VAT in the South and the 15% Vat we now have - thanks Gordon Brown I needed to save those few pence on my £35 top when you dropped the VAT down from 17.5% pity I couldn't afford a Jaguar as I would have saved a bomb - and the falling pound makes the Euro worth much more that the Irish are going to Newry and spending madly. In fact Newry has turned into a giant car park. So Happy New Year you lucky ex pats as New Zealand is a palace compared with here which is grey and gloomy and cold.

BEING ARRESTED FOR BEING TOO TALL NEAR LONDON TOWNE

2009-08-25T00:28:00.001-07:00

FROM THE GUARDIAN

DISCUSSION OF THIS STORY ON THE LONDON FORUMS AT SLEEPNEWYORK

Photographer Alex Turner has been arrested by Kent police for being "too tall" in an action which must cast further doubt on the collective sanity of Kent Police and which also suggests that some police forces are now really behaving as if we lived in police state, a phrase that I have been reluctant to use.

...Turner gives a full account of being stopped by two men in Chatham High Street, after he took a picture of a fish bar called Mick's Plaice, which stands between Specsavers and a shop called Mr Flower and advertises jacket potatoes and an all day breakfast in a colour scheme of bold blue and white. The men said they worked for Medway Council.

"Whilst sharing their views about the threat of terrorism officer xxxxx [name redacted] stated she had felt threatened by me when I took her picture. I cannot recall exactly what she said but I do recall her referring to my size and implying she found it intimidating at the time (I am 5ft 11in and weigh about 12 stone)."

PLACES TO AVOID LIVING IN LONDON

2009-08-24T14:06:00.000-07:00

PLACES TO AVOID LIVING IN LONDON

MANY WOULD ANSWER: LONDON

ALTERNATIVE ANSWER FROM STOOLY WHERE YOU CAN SEE THE PLACES TO AVOID LIVING IN LONDON MAP

Brixton – Located in Zone 2 and quite centralised when it comes to working in the city but has a known reputation which will make grown men avoid that area at all times of the day. I always travel through Brixton and it does look quite interesting but the fact that I’ve seen way too many police cars and tape in the high street has made me think twice about visiting.

Stratford – Located in North East London has become quite dangerous over the last couple of years. A lot of street gangs have taken over the area which makes me a little bit too nervous to travel in that area.

Stoke Newington – This area have seen a lot of stabbings lately between teen gang members which makes me wonder what the kids are up to these days. The area is not all that bad but the teenage gangs are really making the place look bad. London had 17 teenagers killed this year due to teenage gangs going after each other.

Acton – Various men have told me about this area and said that they would not want to live there. The area has a lot of outside influence with so many nationalities and cultures under one post code. The area seems to come alive during the day during trading hours but at night it is a whole new ball game.

...

People do bad things in all London Boroughs if you catch my drift. Do not tempt anyone by walking around with flashy Ipods, mp3 players and digital cameras if not needed. Always check around you when you walk down a street and be a little bit observant....

THE INCONVENIENT TRUTH ABOUT LONDON TOWNE'S ELDERLY

2009-08-24T14:04:00.000-07:00

FROM STOOLY

The elderly that walk alone in the streets buy their own food after they have struggled the whole morning to get there and back and those who spend Christmas alone because nobody cares anymore are all over London. I read an article in the newspaper that a lot of elderly Londoners spend Christmas alone without a special meal because they have no relatives or friends looking out for them.

POLICE HAVE JUDGE AND JURY POWERS TO CONVICT IN LONDON

2009-08-19T05:23:00.000-07:00

FROM THE GUARDIAN

There are dangers in allowing the police to act as judge and jury – the government should review the use of on-the-spot fines

On-the-spot fine are the exemplar of the government's penchant for instant justice. A startling 55% of all "offences brought to justice" are now dealt with outside the court system though fines, cautions and formal warning, and the Magistrates' Association has received alarming reports that this figure includes very serious offences, such as arson, rape, and GBH.

Take knife crime, an issue currently creating a great deal of public concern, the guidance given to magistrates means an offence will usually attract a custodial sentence, but during the first few months of this year some 1600 offenders have been given a simple caution by police officers.

Unsurprisingly the Magistrates' Association is therefore very concerned about further offences being added to the fixed penalty list, and have pressed that point on justice secretary, Jack Straw, with some success.

Straw recently produced revised operational guidance for the police on the issuing of penalty notices for disorder for retail crime and criminal damage in response to concerns that repeat offenders are escaping court because police hand out a string of on-the-spot fines for easy convictions. In one case highlighted, a thief was given 12 successive fixed penalties for shoplifting.

There is no dispute that fixed penalty notices issued by the police are an effective way of dealing with some minor offences, no one would suggest that all speed camera offences should come to court, and in the case of many other offences a fixed penalty or caution is appropriate.In my own speciality of road traffic, a Department of Transport consultation earlier this year included proposals to allow the police powers to issue on-the-spot fines for the offence of careless driving.

The Magistrate's Association do not believe that the offence of careless driving should be brought within the fixed penalty regime for two main reasons. First, it is not a clear-cut offence. It is a subjective matter of judgment whether a piece of driving was bad enough to amount to careless driving, and we believe that matters that require a judgment to be made are matters that should be brought to court. Second, careless driving covers a wide range of behaviour from minor inattention to behaviour just below dangerous driving, and the penalties available to a court reflect this, ranging from three to nine penalty points or disqualification, and a fine of up to £5000.

By contrast the fixed penalty would only be for three points and £60. There would be a strong temptation for the police to issue a fixed penalty even in a serious case, to avoid what the government itself calls "a heavy burden of paperwork".Surely rather than proposing further fixed penalties, the government's first response should be to establish whether all this paperwork is really necessary?

For the driver concerned there may be a difficult choice, if he believes himself to be innocent, he can either swallow his objection and accept the fixed penalty, or run the risk of going to court where the penalty may be considerably higher.

One has to question whether it is just to impose this sort of pressure. Drivers and others may well be told by police that a fixed penalty does not count as a conviction, which is correct, but it does still go on their criminal record.

The Magistrate's Association believes that justice is best delivered openly, in court, and while out of court disposals are acceptable for minor offences, the balance needs to be very carefully considered.

LONDON 2 TO 9 YEAR OLDS STOPPED AND SEARCHED BY POLICE

2009-08-19T05:19:00.000-07:00

FROM THE DAILYMAIL

AND HERE

Recent figures released under Freedom of Information rules revealed that thousands of children under the age of 10 are stopped and searched for drugs, weapons or stolen goods each year. In 2007 and last year the Met stopped 939 children under 10.

But Dr Mike Lindsay, from the Children's Rights Alliance, said: "The age of criminal responsibility is still 10. It's not possible for a nine-year-old to commit a criminal offence."

Lambeth police superintendent David Musker said: "This matter has been reported to the Department for Professional Standards and will be investigated. It is inappropriate to comment at this stage. However, I would like to reassure the communities of Lambeth that the Met takes all complaints seriously."

LONDON OLYMPICS AND THE HALO EFFECT

2009-08-18T07:03:00.000-07:00

FROM AROUND THE RINGS

Speaking at an Around the Rings Newsmaker Breakfast in Bloomsbury, London, LOCOG Commercial Director Chris Townsend said that the Olympic brand “has risen above the recession”.

Really?

Joss Croft described London 2012 as a “once in a lifetime opportunity” for tourism in Britain, but insisted that the potential of the Olympics went beyond that.

“It’s an opportunity to change peoples’ perceptions of Britain,” he said.

“For Visit Britain when we talk about London 2012 it’s less about the 6-8 weeks around July 2012, it’s actually an opportunity to develop skills and product and subsequently to develop the reputation and image of Britain and access new markets.”

Really?

According to Townsend tier one sponsorships were still averaging $90 million.

“We haven’t seen our average transactions fall yet,” he said, but admitted that this may be the case as 2012 neared.

No kidding?

A frequent criticism of London 2012 is that its vast public funding is almost entirely London centered. But Croft said that there would be a ‘halo effect’ of the estimated $4.78billion tourist revenues as visitors explore the rest of Britain during the Olympics and afterwards. In particular he was hopeful that businesses would see Britain’s potential beyond London as a venue for major conferences and exhibitions.

Lets see that great halo effect!

THE EFFECT OF THE OLYMPICS ON LONDON

2009-08-18T06:44:00.000-07:00

Just how well or badly with the Olympics affect the City of London - and just how badly will it affect the residents of London?

If the design of the Olympic Logo is any indication, pretty badly.

A CLOWN'S VIEW OF LONDON

2009-08-18T06:39:00.000-07:00

FROM OBNOXIO THE CLOWN

London sucks

If a man is tired of London, he must be tired of life, some Londonophile once wittered. He was definitely talking out of his fucking arsehole.

Reader comments include:

We've just had one of our nephews round for a visit, he's currently living & working in London, and loves the "Cultural Diversity". I'm a couple of generations removed and detested the place the last time I went there over 20 years ago...

and

The nicest thing I can think of to say about the place is that it smells slightly less of piss than it used to, probably due to all the rain we had last summer.

In some ways it reminds me very much of Paris, in that it's expensive beyond justification, filthy, over hyped, and stuffed full of ugly loud wankers who look down their noses at everyone who isn't from their city.

Even though they personally live in a shop doorway and eat out of bins.

It would be more accurate to say "when a man is tired of being jostled by people with ridiculous fake accents, dehydrating and suffering crush injuries on even short train journeys, being section 44'd at Kings X and cleaning air pollutants out of his mucus membranes every evening, then he is tired of London."

Oh, and : If you live a 45 minute tube journey away, you don't live "In London", you live in suburbia. Get. The. Fuck. Over. It.

I have to visit the festering shithole this week. Bah.

WEBSURFING IN LONDON

2009-08-17T23:50:00.000-07:00

FROM THE INSIDER

Hello. Currently in London. Oh, by the way, every time I try to watch a video, I get the following messages. WTF, it’s not like I’m in a cave in Afghanistan. I’m in goddamn England! It must suck being here — half the sites I visit, I can’t access the content. Thanks for ruining the WWW, you evil corporations. (And that was suppose to stand for WORLD wide web.)

Instead, through IP lookups and cookies, I get wonderful localized ad banners that make no frakin sense… Like the following when I visit Buzz Newsroom:

And this is what I see when I log into Facebook. Maybe I’ll just drown my sorrows. Cheers!

Lastly, my “nice” hotel doesn’t even have Wi-Fi. Guess what, I’m charged .50 pounds PER MINUTE to use the Internet. That’s going to cost me what, in currency exchange, $75 to write this post?! Crap

COUSIN AVI'S OPINION OF LONDON

2009-08-17T23:39:00.001-07:00

FROM JEFF THE BLOG BONFORTE

JOIN THE LONDON DISCUSSION AT SLEEPNEWYORKFORUMS LONDON FORUMS HERE WWW.SLEEPNEWYORKFORUMS.TK

LONDON FORUMS

2009-08-17T23:36:00.001-07:00

JOIN THE LONDON DISCUSSION AT SLEEPNEWYORK DEDICATED LONDON FORUMS HERE

LONDON SURVIVAL GUIDE

2009-08-17T23:34:00.001-07:00

FROM CHANNEL 4

London's size and growth rate has now reached danger point. Officially its population is 7.3 million, inhabiting an area of 174 sq km. But these figures mask a more alarming truth. London has secretly spread far beyond its official limits, and continues to move out into the countryside.

London is no longer just a place. It's a state of mind. And Londoners are waging an undeclared war on the rest of the population. They use subtle but highly toxic lifestyle weapons. In a short time these can weaken an entire locality and lead to complete Londonisation: traffic gridlock, street crime, overpriced shopping enclaves, and a population obsessed with schools, fashionable bars and art shows.

These are some of the things to look out for:

Shiny 4x4 vehicles. But beware: these days some Londoners try to pass as locals by splashing their 4x4s with mud and putting a dog inside. Don't be fooled ndash; local 4x4s have dents, loose pages of classified ads and Tizer cans.

Panini ndash; Italian-style bread, on sale instead of sandwiches or baps.

Professional dog walkers, usually out with four to eight dogs, talking on mobiles while dogs half strangle themselves on their tangled extension leads and defecate on each other.

Aggressive cyclists in pollution masks.

Book groups.

Sunglasses worn pushed up on head.

Road rage, especially when held up briefly by bus for disabled.

Ayurvedic massage oils on sale in the local Spar shop.

LONDON DOS AND DON'TS

2009-08-17T23:33:00.001-07:00

FROM CHANNEL 4

If London has already taken over your neighbourhood, here are some tips for how to get along and not attract too much attention.

Eat Tunnocks caramel bars.

Smile at strangers.

Fraternise with your neighbours. Talk only to your designated friends (DFs).

Talk to DFs face-to-face. Wait until you're with another DF or in a public place and then shout at them down your mobile phone.

Drive a safe distance behind learner vehicles.

'Forcefield'. Londoners quickly learn to shut out anything disturbing or nasty from their eyeline. Frightened children, injured puppies, neighbours having heart-attacks ndash; simply sidestep and walk on. If they try to cling to you, shake them off.

Constantly spend money on inessentials: bottled water, pedicures, 3-for-2 paperbacks, bucket-sized cups of coffee ndash; that sort of thing. Buy things only for yourself, not for other people.

Wear outdoor gear indoors. Men must wear all-terrain sandals in summer.

Insist on going to just one or two favourite restaurants. Queue outside them rather than going to equally good empty ones next door.

Cram your diary full. It doesn't matter if the fixtures clash. Just be late for everything.

Take out a hugely expensive health-club membership, but don't go.

LONDON'S TOP TEN

2009-08-17T23:30:00.000-07:00

LONDON'S TOP TEN - REASONS WHY IT SUCKS

FROM THE FRATER BLOG

I posted this on my blog some time before I started the List Universe, and I think it is a little harsh to put on the main site, so I thought I would add it here for the enjoyment of those of you that venture into the wilds that are the listverse forums. I will be interested to know if you find the style much different from the style I use on Listverse all these months later....

Are you thinking of moving to the UK? London in particular? Before you make your decision, read this list of the top 10 reasons London sucks so you know what you are getting in to before you leave. Who knows - you may change your mind!

Before I start the list I should explain that I am a New Zealander who moved to London two years ago. I have had some amazing and wonderful experiences in London and I plan to stay here, but the items in the list below have certainly done nothing to make the overall stay a great one.
So, from least bad to worst, here are the top 10 reasons London sucks:

10 - Tiny roads

Because London is so old and space is at a premium (due to the huge population for such a small area), the roads in London are very narrow. Even if the councils wanted to make them bigger, they simply couldnâ€™t. In many areas the houses front doors are right on the sidewalk - this means that there is no space left at all unless you demolish the houses (which you canâ€™t because of laws protecting buildings over a certain age). In addition, everyone now seems to have a car and most people park them half on and half off the sidewalk. The result is to make the narrow roads even narrower. It is very common to have to back up a street because another car is coming toward you and there is only sufficient room for one. Needless to say this can add a lot of time to your travel each day.

9 - Filth and Stink

London is the dirtiest city I have ever been in (and I have been in a LOT). Granted, some of the rubbish is a result of council policies during the IRA bombings that meant rubbish bins had to be removed from the streets (people were putting bombs in the bins), but many of the bins are back and no one seems to use them. The people here do not seem to have any pride in the streets at all - perhaps it is partly because so many people in London are not native to the place, but considering the amount of money we are all charged by the councils (see point 2) you would think they could pay more people to clean up. And of course, with filth, comes stink. In summer the smells pouring out of the grates on the roads is unbearable. Venice is meant to be smelly during summer - but in my experience London is far worse.

8 - Rents

The average rent in London is Â£334 per week (that is $665 US). I have recently started looking for a new two bedroom flat in the south-west area of London - about as far as you can go before you have horrendous commutes and I am looking to pay up to Â£380 ($756 US) per week. So far, every flat I have been shown is damp, stinks of mildew, has no light, and is really a one and a half bedroom flat. This is a terrible situation. The average weekly household income in London is Â£711 ($1,415 US) which does cover the average rent in a dirty flat, but other expenses are also higher here (see point 2 and 5).

7 - Bad food

England is famous the world over for its bad food and, believe me, London is no exception. Granted, you can get amazing food - but only if you can afford to spend over Â£100 ($198 US) per meal. Two meals out and you probably wonâ€™t have enough money to pay for your bills. An example of the quality (and price) of food here: when I first arrived I had a sandwhich at a regular greasy-spoon cafe (the name is definitely apt). For Â£5 ($9.95 US) I got two slices of thin white bread from a bag (which was virtually stale) with butter and a few pieces of dry chicken breast. It was barely palatable. Perhaps that is the reason that so many Londoners seems to eat fast-food all the time - it is moderately cheap and stodgy - but the result of too much of that is that you see many young men and women who look malnourished.

6 - The London mayor

Ken Livingstone is a blight on this city. He is the Mayor of London and is the father of the London Congestion Charge (see point 5). Ken is also a socialist (hence his nickname Red Ken). Kenâ€™s latest plan is to force all embassies to pay the congestion charge (which is ridiculous as they are non-UK tax paying organisations). He has control over London Transport which sucks (see point 3) and he seems completely oblivious to the needs of the city. Oh - in addition to the congestion zone, he plans to implement (by 2008) an emission charging zone which will mean a â€œprohibitively expensiveâ€� tax for trucks and transport vehicles. Incidentally, when Japan stopped paying Kenâ€™s congestion charge in 2006, Ken replied by going on the radio and talking about Japanese war crimes. Nice one Ken.

5 - The Congestion Charging Zone

In February 2003, Mayor of London Ken Livingstone (see point 6) introduced the congestion charging zone. The point of the zone is to photograph (see point 4) every car entering the zone and charge them a daily fee for having done so. The original charge was Â£5 and Livingstone promised it would not increase. In April, 2005, Ken announced that the price would go up to Â£8. In May 2006, on live TV, Ken announced that it will go up to Â£10 by 2008. Then to top it all off, he announced it would increase in size to encompass all of Kensington and Chelsea. The extension has actually increased congestion by 5%.

4 - Cameras

London is basically awash with cameras. They say you can barely walk two metres without being photographed. We are a watched city. 1984 anyone? Even the busses have cameras. Coupled with the socialist tendencies of the mayor and the left wing government, one does have to wonder what the future will be like in London. Of course they are also proposing a universal identity card.

3 - Public transport

The busses stink, they donâ€™t run often enough to deal with the number of people using them, they donâ€™t have enough seats, and they are so overcrowded that you canâ€™t move during peak hours. In addition, virtually every time I have caught a bus here there has been some kind of food spilt on the seats. There was a documentary on TV here that showed children urinating and defecating on the busses. Unbelievable but true. And what is the cost for this? Â£2 ($4 US) per journey no matter how short - Ken Livingstone has doubled the price from Â£1 in the last year. Last year during the summer, the interior temperature of some busses was found to be 52C (125.6F)

Then there are the tubes! They cost Â£4 ($8 US) per single trip. They have no air conditioning, they have too few seats, they stink, and the temperatures have been known to get up to 47C (116.6F). Overcrowding is also a major problem here and 3 out of 4 times that I have caught the tube I have not managed to get a seat.

2 - Council Tax

This is a charge that is levied against every house in London. Your council charges you this fee and, in return, is supposed to provide you with services. As it turns out, it seems the only services they give you are rubbish collection and the occasional street sweeper. In the apartment block I live in, our rubbish collection is done by the porters and we have gardeners. So, basically we have no need to use the services of the council. Nevertheless, it is obligatory that we pay the charge. (Just in case you were wondering, we pay seperately for water - Â£700 last year). Guess how much we pay for our council tax? Â£2,000 per year (that is $3,976 US) - that breaks down to Â£166 per month ($330). We also have an oligatory television license of over Â£100 per year despite the fact that we use cable TV and pay for it ourselves. We never watch the public television channels.

1 - Rude people

This is the thing that I hate most about London. The people are utterly and completely rude. No one looks at anyone else (not even when they are serving you in a shop), no one smiles. It reminds me of what Moscow must have been like during communist oppression. Children donâ€™t stand for adults on public transport, and frankly, parents donâ€™t tell their children to. I have seen young children abusing adults who have scolded them for throwing food on the ground. When the people are so unhealthy, it says a lot about the nation. I should add, however, that the majority of people I have met who are not from London, have been very friendly.

So, having said all of that, while I donâ€™t recommend migrating to London, it is worth a visit for the history and arts.

SINCE WHEN DID ASKING FOR A POLICE OFFICER'S BADGE NUMBER BECOME A PROBLEM IN LONDON?

2009-08-17T13:47:00.000-07:00

STOP RESISTING! HOW COULD YOU RESIST A HOLIDAY IN LONDON AFTER WATCHING THIS?

40 MILLION POUND STERLING HEIST IN BUSY LONDON'S BROAD DAYLIGHT - WAS A SECOND TRY

2009-08-16T02:20:00.000-07:00

FROM THE GUARDIAN

New CCTV images showing what police believe was an aborted bid to pull off Britain's biggest jewel heist two days before it was carried out were released yesterday.

The stills show the two men wanted in connection with the £40m raid at Graff Diamonds in London's West End on 6 August standing outside the store on the Tuesday before the robbery occurred.

They are pictured looking into the shop at around 5.40pm while other images show a blue BMW used in the raid driving through New Bond Street in Mayfair, where the store is located.

Detective Chief Inspector Pam Mace, head of Barnes Flying Squad, said: "We believe this was more than just a practice run, and that they were planning on committing the robbery on 4 August."

Insurers have offered a £1m reward for information leading to the capture of the thieves and the recovery of the 43 stolen necklaces, earrings and bracelets. International diamond dealers have been placed on alert, although experts suggest the stolen gems will be broken up and moved on the east Asian market.

In the new images, the two men are wearing similar clothes to the suits they wore during the heist, although one is wearing a purple shirt without a tie.

On the day of the robbery the thieves were let into the premises by a security guard before producing handguns and forcing staff to lie on the floor. They fired at least one shot during their escape and again as they got into a silver Mercedes in Dover Street when they were challenged by drinkers at a pub. They abandoned the BMW after it hit a black taxi.

Police have found a high-powered motorbike which may have been used to spirit away a bag containing the gems.

The first vehicle was a silver B-class Mercedes with the registration number LV06 HFA. It drove into Farm Street where it is believed some of the suspects got into another vehicle – a blue Volkswagen Sharan with the registration number RA07 XEV. A police spokesman said the registration plates were cloned.

One of the robbers was white, aged around 30, of slim build and with dark hair and light stubble. He was wearing a grey suit, white shirt and tie. The other was black, in his 30s, 6ft tall, and of a larger build than the first suspect, with short hair. He was also wearing a grey suit, white shirt and tie.

Both men, who spoke with London accents, had duped a makeup artist into altering their looks with latex masks.

A 50-year-old man arrested in east London on Monday in connection with the robbery has been released on bail.

DONT ARREST THAT DEALER

2009-08-01T02:29:00.000-07:00

FROM THE TIMES

Police should switch their focus away from arresting drug dealers and concentrate on managing the harm they cause, according to an influential report.

The UK Drug Policy Commission says new dealers take the place of those arrested and often bring new problems such as violent turf wars. The report calls for the authorities to admit that if they cannot eradicate drug markets they should reduce the damage drugs inflict on local communities.

It said the police and other agencies should prioritise the most harmful characteristics of drug markets and focus on addressing them. The report suggests the authorities should focus on cracking down on particularly harmful behaviours linked to drugs including gun violence, sexual exploitation and the use of children as lookouts or couriers.

“Levels of enforcement activity appear to bear no direct relationship to levels of drug use or availability,” the report said. “Traditionally, drug enforcement efforts have focused on arrests and seizures, with the aim of reducing supply but drug markets are large, resilient, and quick to adapt.”

BOUNCERS IN BLIGHTY - NOW WITH POLICE POWERS

2009-08-01T02:25:00.001-07:00

FROM THE TIMES

Private security companies that employ nightclub bouncers are being licensed to issue on-the-spot fines under a huge extension of police-style powers to accredited civilians.

Magistrates are incensed about the scheme, which now has more than 1,400 people enrolled across England and Wales to issue fines for offences from dog fouling to public disorder.

They are lodging a protest with Jack Straw, the Justice Secretary, amid concerns that guards will have a “gung-ho” approach to issuing fines. A private security companiy in Norfolk is the latest group to be accredited to issue instant fines.

The company, Norwich-based EventGuard, has won accreditation for the first 25 of its employees to help police with antisocial behaviour and to issue fixed penalties. The company manages crowds and traffic at high-profile events such as the Royal Norfolk Show but also carries out “door supervision”.

CRIMS ON PROBATION COMMIT ONE MURDER A WEEK

2009-08-01T02:22:00.001-07:00

FROM THE TIMES

Criminals in the care of the Probation Service have committed the equivalent of almost a murder a week over the past two years, according to figures published yesterday.

The report by the Ministry of Justice showed that there were 1,034 convictions for serious further offences committed between 2007 and 2009 by offenders under supervision. These included 94 murder convictions, 105 rapes, 43 arson attacks, 57 kidnaps and 762 other serious violent or sex crimes for which the maximum sentence is ten years or more.

However, year on year, the number of such convictions in England and Wales has fallen, from 672 in 2007-08 to 362 in 2008-09. Murders were down from 66 to 28, rapes from 62 to 43 and arson attacks from 32 to 11.

POLICE WITHOUT ID WAS THE FAULT OF THE PRESS

2009-08-01T02:19:00.001-07:00

FR OM THE TIMES

Police Fed finally responds over G20 - it was the media's fault

The Police Federation, which was rather backward in coming forward in defending officers involved in the G20 protests, has blamed the media for much of the alleged wrongdoing. Forget about a legal requirement for officers to wear their identification numbers, the solution is to introduce more rigorous guidelines on what the press can report.

Simon Reed, Vice Chairman of the Police Federation of England and Wales, said: “Distorted reporting by the media needs remedying quickly but unfortunately the nature of the beast is that they only choose to report what they wish to. Perhaps more stringent media guidelines that do not in any way suppress the freedom of the press should be considered to ensure fair and impartial reporting.”

TAKING A PHOTO IN LONDON

2009-07-17T16:18:00.000-07:00

FROM THE GUARDIAN

Here's a few of my experiences -

* Standing outside South Quay station, a security guard walked out of the building on the other side of the road claimed they owned Marsh Wall (they don't, I checked the plan). He was really apologetic about it apparently and said he hated his job!
* Taking photos of the London Eye next to it on public land. Guards threatened to call the police and they could barely speak English and were upset I was taking photographs of it look up through the cables not that they knew that word. I had to tell them "these are called cables". I just ignored them, carried on, and then left once I'd finished.
* Merely looking at my camera in Kings Cross Station a security guard told me it was prohibited to use photography equipment or they'd call the police over.
* Tate Modern. They own the copyright to all your photos apparently and I am violating the copyright of a sculpture by taking a photograph of it with a camera phone to send to my girlfriend. A rather unique interpretation of the law.
* Canary Wharf. Oddly the security guard went for me, no-one else despite amateur photography being explicitly allowed there. I wasn't even taking pictures of the estate but rather from it, a single picture whilst walking along. Every single person with a camera phone, I counted three at Westferry Circus who were left alone whilst I was being told I couldn't take photographs.
"See these security cameras? We're watching you. If you take any more we will remove you from the estate". I particularly liked how a plain clothes guard stood behind me to block me from leaving.
* New Providence Wharf. Supposedly open and public Thames pathway... you can't take pictures of the river. Security guards followed me around all over the place, I have pictures of one following me down side streets around the area.
* I got stopped and searched by police for taking photos of Tower42 at night because it has floodlighting on its crown. I mentioned this to the officers in question, that I was using a tripod and that during the day time I would be committing an offence by obstructing a busy pavement but it was somehow considered to be suspicious to do it at night when there's no one around even though its then you're not breaking the law and cannot photograph floodlights in daylight. They agreed it was stupid too but they don't make the rules.
* Near the Broadgate Centre. There was no marking that it was even a private road or that the road was blocked off and yet a security guard came out and told us to leave, it was a private road and we were a security risk.

You will note almost all of these are private security guards and they are actually committing the crime of obstruction.

LONDON OR BUST

2009-07-13T14:20:00.000-07:00

Question: What has Europe's eighth biggest economy, 77 floodlit artificial football pitches and the world's most ethnically diverse population? Another clue: if you own a house in this place, it's worth nearly twice the national average for homes in Britain.

The answer, if you haven't already guessed, is London. If it were a country, the capital would rank above Sweden in terms of economic power; within a couple of years it will have overtaken Switzerland.

BY 2003, THE LONDON ECONOMY WILL HAVE OVERCOME SWITZERLAND?

DID THE OBSERVER ARTICLE'S AUTHORS' PREDICTION EVER COME TRUE?

THE TROOF IS OUT THERE.

IS LONDON IT'S OWN COUNTRY?

2009-07-13T14:14:00.000-07:00

8 YEARS AFTER THE OBSERVER ARTICLE HERE WAS PUBLISHED, IS LONDON STILL ITS OWN COUNTRY?

Two countries in one land?

• If London were a nation, it would rank above Sweden, Finland and Hungary in terms of economic output, with a Gross Domestic Product £2,500 higher per person that the UK as a whole

• Financial and business services account for 38 per cent of London's economic activity, compared to 25 per cent nationally. Manufacturing accounts for 11 per cent in London, against 21 per cent nationally

• Fourteen of the 33 London boroughs are in the top 20 most deprived in the United Kingdom

• London has 12 per cent of the UK's population - but 18 per cent of the nation's restaurants

• One in four people in central London are from an ethnic minority, compared to one in 20 in the UK as a whole

• House prices have been rising twice as quickly in London as the rest of the country for the past five years

• 16- to 34-year-olds in London watch an average of 19 hours TV a week; compared to 22 hours for the UK

• If all subsidies between the regions and nations were abolished, and local income tax systems introduced, London could have a basic tax rate of 18 pence in the pound, and top rate of just 30 pence - while Scotland would need rates of 38 per cent and 62 per cent respectively

• The average price of a detached London house is £293,000, compared to a national average of £145,000, and £94,000 in Wales

• The Government spends £677 per head on public transport in London, compared to £75 in the West Midlands

• Londoners walk 260 miles a year, compared to a national average of 200 miles

• Twice as many non-Londoners as Londoners make it to work in less than 20 minutes (62 per cent versus 31 per cent)

IS LONDON STILL A GIANT CASH MACHINE?

2009-07-13T14:12:00.001-07:00

8 YEARS AFTER THIS ARTICLE IN THE OBSERVER

HAS ANYTHING CHANGED FOR THE BETTER?

It's London vs Britain

The capital is the dynamic engine driving the UK. But the shires are growing weary of its irresistible force.

The genie is out of the bottle. One of the greatest ironies of the constitutional reform process is that the attempt to disperse power has created platforms from which different parts of the country can blast away at each other. The prejudices have always been there, of course. A.N. Wilson thinks of 'London as a City State with a number of boring and rather expensive appendages (known as England, Wales, Scotland and Ireland) to which we have to be polite and which we are obliged, rather unwillingly, to subsidise, to ease the chips on their provincial shoulders'. But the prejudices are becoming politics: Trevor Phillips, when he was a candidate to become London's first directly-elected mayor, kick-started a debate about the level of subsidisation between London and the rest of the country, demanding that Scotland 'give back' £1-2 billion a year. The wars of distribution are likely to intensify once London has a mayor in place - and as the economic divide deepens.

Economic output is £13,000 per head in London, compared to a national average of £11,000. The gap between GDP per head in London and the rest of the country has increased sixfold in the past 15 years. The pay gap, already 30 per cent, is set to widen to 35 per cent by 2003 according to the Centre for Economics and Business Research. House prices continue to soar in the capital. And with London's service-based, international economy booming, the level of subsidy from London to poorer regions is more than £20 billion a year - or £8,000 for every metropolitan household.

So while Britain complains about the political dominance of the capital, the capital moans about being used, in the London Evening Standard's phrase, as a 'giant cash machine'.

...

THE TROOF IS OUT THERE.

LONDON. CHICAGO ON THE THAMES

2009-07-13T13:27:00.000-07:00

FROM THE GUARDIAN

'Al Capone-style' plan to curb UK's booming £30bn crime industry

Home secretary unveils strategy to target 30,000 criminals with more powers to seize assets and close front businesses.

Between 25,000 and 30,000 criminals are involved in the "long tail" of a serious organised crime business in Britain that is worth more than £30bn a year, according to a government study.

HOW MUCH OF THIS WOULD BE IN LONDON, OR CONNECTED TO LONDON?

90%

95%

100%

TAKE A WILD GUESS.

LONDON TROOF

2009-07-13T13:22:00.001-07:00

LONDON

OLYMPIC CITY 2012

HOW WILL HISTORY REMEMBER IT?

50 YEARS AFTER THE FALL OF THE BRITISH EMPIRE, WHAT DOES THE WORLD MAKE OF LONDON?

THE TROOF IS OUT THERE.